My Demise, My Rebirth

(Experiment #1: Writing when stoned. Book leak? Maybe.)
Life can be a beautiful thing when you surrender yourself to it and stop trying to fight its course, stop trying to conform yourself to a mold you think people expect you to condemn yourself to, stop drawing lines within which you are expected to grow and always refraining from stepping outside of them, even if it’s for a fraction of a second. In any case, no matter how many tranquilizer shots you give it, no matter how many blows you execute in order to knock it out cold, no matter how long you choke it… it will always fight back so hard, you will have no choice but to yield to your true nature. Sometimes we have control and we think we will always keep it, but it is never really ours. So like a child we keep shoving that blue circle into that green square shaped slot hoping that sooner or later it will fit and that each time we try to slam it in, it will eventually hurt a little less, but it never does. It just keeps on getting more and more bruised and the healing process becomes more and more difficult until it simply just stops healing all together. We find ourselves battered and black-eyed with no more will to continue trying to fit somewhere we knew didn’t feel right since day one. This is my demise. I am of those who need to feel their face scraping against the cold pavement in order to realize they’ve indeed reached what they call “rock bottom”. Yes Ian, she’s lost control. She has no more desire to keep it together, do as they say and never say a word in protest. Everything is unraveling and the pace is picking up. It took long enough, but someone actually very recently managed to peel my face off the ground, allowing me to see the world through my old eyes again. They have no idea what they have done and right now it’s all pins and needles, but once the wakening process is over, I will be able to feel again. Towards this person I am forever grateful. So I grab what I know and hold on for dear life as the whirlwind ravages my current surroundings before I can use what I have kept in order to start building again, but this time on familiar grounds. This is my rebirth.