You Shall Always be Undead to me

Fireflies

The night was cool and the silence absolute with the exception of the sound made by her bare feet rushing through the moist grass. She was out of breath, but kept running. Anything was better than having to sit still and feel the pressure of the night pressing hard against her temples. The dampness was beginning to creep up her nightgown as if it were vines, causing the fabric to cling to her legs; she merely pulled it off and kept running. The air was now gently caressing her nude body as she flung her head back to admire the celestial beauty. She smiled; the stars were not only dancing in the sky, but in the blackness of her eyes. Her late-night excursion had led her to the edge of the forest and she knew deep down she could go no further, however just the thought of going back sent spasms of anxiety through her entire being. Panic stricken, she bolted to the first tree she could reach, leaned against it, shut her eyes tightly and began to sing. She sang and sang until the echo of her own voice soothed her. In between breaths, she could hear the leaves applauding and this was all the encouragement she needed. As her worries subsided, her voice grew stronger and more pure. She was happy. There were now lights treading on her eyelids, she supposed they were from the fireflies that must have come to waltz about. Smiling, she finally opened her eyes to admire the spectacle only to find the absence of such creatures. She immediately fell silent. She was horror-struck: they had come to get her, the men with the cold hands. It was too late, they were too close, she could not escape this time, she could never escape. They were closing in on her, calling out her name with that falsified softness in their voices. When, by the light of the moon, she caught a glimpse of the silver rod that stings, she began to scream. They threw themselves on her; two of them restrained her while the third sedated her. As they took her back to the castle with the cold rooms, she could still hear the leaves applauding.

Stuck on Loop

I've had this tune in my head for the past five days.
Ian Curtis, I think I just might get your portrait tattooed on my thigh.

Day 39: Life is War

No statement has ever felt more true to me than this one at this very moment. As pessimistic as it may sound, this is the only way of thinking that has actually given me some sort of bona fide anxiety relief. You start out in life without a care in the world and this is when you are spoon-fed the foundation of your knowledge crucial to you later on in life, even if at the time you are unaware of just how crucial. I’m talking about ammunition and strategic thought processes given to you freely by family, educators, etc. The older you get, the less sugarcoated things are, the more responsibilities you carry and the more your decisions can affect your surroundings. You find out that not many people can be trusted and that even you yourself cannot be trusted, an all out war where it’s each for his own. One false step and you can end up in a minefield, causing you unnecessary damage that could have been easily avoided if you didn’t have your head so far up your own ass. That’s the thing with wrong moves, crawling back is a bitch if it’s even an option and if you so happen to have people under your command then you are the square root of fucked times the number of people with you. So pace yourself, take a moment to calculate the consequences of your actions instead of immediately running mindlessly to the front lines, guns a blazin’. We’ve all seen the movies; these men are usually the first to die. Meanwhile, don’t over think yourself to the brink of madness either. You aren’t getting anywhere if you reside in your mind. Risks are necessary, but make sure what you’re fighting for is worth the blood, sweat and tears. Many things are not. Sometimes when you’re on your stomach, worming your way through the filth filled trenches, it’s hard to see past the mud, but that’s when you have to keep in mind that we all have to crawl before we can walk and walk before we can run. If you play your cards right, chances are you’ll even fly. At the end of the day, it’s you against the world and the world is rarely forgiving so don’t be stupid.