Edible Solace

Lately this is all I want to do...

I need more time off.

"I'm a little bit lonely these days."

Disclaimer: This may not make much sense. I, myself, am confused and my imagination needs to be tasered. 

There's this one thing I want more than anything, OK? It's real simple too, yet so difficult at the same time, because it doesn't really depend entirely on me, the acquiring of this thing (which in fact isn't so much a 'thing', per se). I begin to question myself, my abilities, my value, my standing. Thought I had done everything right (almost), but apparently not. Apparently there is so much better, so much more interesting, so much more 'time worthy', the list goes on. I'm lost in the Sea of Doubt, for want of a better previously enjoyed trope. To remain within metaphor, I feel as though this ship won't come. I see plenty of ships, yes, but THIS SHIP won't come. 

Which leads me to my current question: is it better to feel impassioned and lonely or bored and bored?

The answer seems obvious (maybe?), but I've now experienced both and as much as the former comes with more butterflies, it's as though those butterflies have mad fangs. 

You know when you get a text message, your phone goes off and you get excited because you want it to be a certain person, but it's not and you feel that disappointment? Imagine that scenario, but with everything. 

I don't honestly know where I am going with this and feel too tired to try to work it into a comprehensive whole. Maybe I'm giving up. All I know for sure is I'm a little bit lonely these days.  

At Times

I'll complicate the shit out of things that really don't need to be.

Time to stop.

Happy Leap Day!

(Ellipsis)

Don't Ever Stop

Sometimes you do something so right, but you eventually stop.
Don't - it works.

Image source


New hobby - making these...

A Quarter of a Century

Brad and Patrick, thank you for the Zubrowka - I'm well pished at the moment.

If you know me (or if you've been a recurring visitor here) you know I despise
my effing birthday. I must say though, things are looking up - I think.
They're good now at least.
Anyway I decided to try optimism post quarter, so here is goes.

Happiness...

Please.

The Darkness

Upside: You look at the time and think "only...?"

Pensive

Friends at Night

Back to School

It's that time.

BUT as far as today is concerned...

Myself as of Next Week

Images ffffound at random throughout the years.

Finally

After three weeks with my Ko family and more than enough time alone in the middle of nowhere, I finally found what I was looking for.

Something about just sitting in the Pacific till your fingers tips are well beyond small prunes, next to a speck of land, feeling oh so little and left to your own thoughts. Getting enraged beyond reason, but finding no where to go, no where to go but inside yourself. So you listen to the sound of your breathing bounce off the four walls of your tiny guest room until you've remastered it. Not understanding a word of what your family members are saying, silently cursing your father for not speaking to you in Chinese as a child. Then realizing it is your own fault for not trying to learn. Finally understanding him after 25 years, consequently understanding yourself. Trying to ignore the fact that he looks so much older each and every time you see him again. Seeing other things you would have rather not seen and hearing just as much of the same if not more.

Most painful, emotionally draining, yet a healing and beautiful trip this has been.

Part of me wishes I didn't have to leave so I could just take care of you, Dad.

Blackberry Photography

The sky.
No matter what happens down here it remains beautifully indifferent*. What a blessing that must be.

*Environmental issues aside.

Not Quite a Year Ago but

I posted this photo I had found one Sunday last October.

Nearly a year later and it has become pertinent again.

Haven't posted any written stuff in a while, mainly focusing on photography. Now I want to write something, but at the moment I seem only to be thinking in worn out clichés - blood and bleeding, knives, tears, broken glass and shattered dreams (that one's a doozy), pain and suffering... the works. Perhaps they are worn out because in an instance of blinding pain one can't think with frills, so they write what comes to mind - let the words bleed out till you go from dumb with pain to numb with pain and can think straight again.

How do I feel?
Well, my heart is in pain.
Like what kind of pain?
Um... Sharp-ish.
As if you got stabbed?
Yeah! That's it!
Write it down you'll feel better.

Was probably genius the first couple times, but they ruined it for the rest of us.

In France they say if a women gets raped, it's her own fault... no, not only in France, happens here too. Fault, fault - what is fault? What is innocence if your prosecutors have made up their minds and turn a blind eye even before you can attempt to prove they are wrong? Doesn't even matter. Proof - is there even such a thing... Actually? Bend things backwards and twist them up till you're body is physically sore from the mental gymnastics. Human pretzel.

I am so sick, so so very sick.

Goodnight Sunday.

Hearing Echos

Miss you.

Help Japan

Click on image below.

Just Shut the Fuck up!

I really don't know what it is (maybe the season change makes people more irritating and myself more irritable), but this thought has been occupying 90% of my mind lately.

Image via ffffound.

Kubrick Says

It's a Bummer When...

You know that the potential 'things' you'd really wish for on your birthday just won't come true no matter how simple, so it's better to forget them.

Birthdays: overrated checkpoints in life where you get to reflect on the disappointments of the passed year and wonder if the next one will be able to top them.

It's my birthday (tomorrow), I'll bitch if I want to. I'm stuck doing an open mic night at Grumpy's.