*Slap!*

It is now officially what university institutions call “Reading Week” and I should be off my rocker with joy, but I am not. As I flip the pages of my day planner to the said week, I can’t help but notice that every single day is booked – no pun intended. I know that most of this is my own fault; my ambition sometimes over estimates the capacity of my abilities, however in my case, time-off is synonymous for “doctor fest.” Three appointments next week – three times slots I could be using for something productive like oh… say… school assignments? That’s the thing: metaphorically speaking, right now I’m in this race, where the coaches are expecting me to run at the same pace as all the other athletes, but I have a mad limp they cannot see. I recently got an e-mail from the “Associate Dean” congratulating me on how well I did in my last semester and to “continue to strive for excellence in your studies”… little does she know I almost died in the process.

The thing about regular doctor’s appointments is that something extraordinary can happen to you, but if you have a doctor’s appointment that same day, you are confronted with this…

And that’s a solid reminder that what you just experienced is not your reality, THIS is your reality. It’s what I like to call a bitch slap from yours truly – Life.

Now…

Recently I’ve found an incredible source of motivation that has made me want to push harder and better myself. I cherish it more than you can imagine. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so alive and for the first time, I see potential recovery – wow, never thought I’d ever say that.

Even though I still have to face the gloom and doom of hospital walls and doctor’s offices, I’ve been practicing what my therapist calls a “perspective shift”. I say ‘practicing’ because I haven’t quite mastered it yet. I can’t help but dread the day my motivational source will no longer be available to me. Think positive? So much more easy said than done.