Perception

Tricky thing perception… especially since it’s so skewed. Ever been convinced of something to a degree that you would take risks in accordance with it? Now ever have something like that blow up in your face? The sentiment equals pretty much being the only fully dressed person in a horde of naked people: you feel confused, out of place, uncomfortable and strangely over dressed. Initially, you were positive that you held the ultimate truth and that you could run with it far and wide until you pull a Wile E. Coyote and look down only to realize that what you are running on is not a solid foundation at all but thin air. The fall can be hard.

Then again, how do we know that it is truly our perceptions that fail us and that we are not simply being duped into thinking we are wrong? This is when you start talking to yourself: “am I crazy?” No, people just have their own reasons to be dishonest at times or simply screw with your head out of sport.

As much as I’d like to say my perceptions never deceive me, they do. And if I could physically beat them with a stick I would.

This week I got some rather disconcerting news: I have “tinnitus” in my left ear. In other words I perceive sounds that aren’t really there. No, I don’t hear voices, but I hear gurgling, screeching, high pitched buzzing, basically every unpleasant sound you can think of – I have the pleasure of hearing every day. The cause of this is none other than abuse. When I was younger I’d go to shows every week or so, I was in a band, I listened to loud music, etc. Now I’m stuck with something that plagues about one in five people between the ages of 55 and 65. Don’t get me wrong, it didn’t just hit me out of the blue. I’ve had this problem for about two years now, but I kept ignoring it until it became as unbearable as it is now. The only thing I can do is get a custom ear plug made and pray I don’t go completely deaf.

All this to say… I can’t even rely on my damned ears anymore is how much of an invalid I am when it comes to perception.