"I'm a little bit lonely these days."

Disclaimer: This may not make much sense. I, myself, am confused and my imagination needs to be tasered. 

There's this one thing I want more than anything, OK? It's real simple too, yet so difficult at the same time, because it doesn't really depend entirely on me, the acquiring of this thing (which in fact isn't so much a 'thing', per se). I begin to question myself, my abilities, my value, my standing. Thought I had done everything right (almost), but apparently not. Apparently there is so much better, so much more interesting, so much more 'time worthy', the list goes on. I'm lost in the Sea of Doubt, for want of a better previously enjoyed trope. To remain within metaphor, I feel as though this ship won't come. I see plenty of ships, yes, but THIS SHIP won't come. 

Which leads me to my current question: is it better to feel impassioned and lonely or bored and bored?

The answer seems obvious (maybe?), but I've now experienced both and as much as the former comes with more butterflies, it's as though those butterflies have mad fangs. 

You know when you get a text message, your phone goes off and you get excited because you want it to be a certain person, but it's not and you feel that disappointment? Imagine that scenario, but with everything. 

I don't honestly know where I am going with this and feel too tired to try to work it into a comprehensive whole. Maybe I'm giving up. All I know for sure is I'm a little bit lonely these days.